


Let Me Hold You Close (please don't let me go)

by sam4587



Series: Merthurweek2021 aka Attempts At Angst [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), But I don't care, Distressed Merlin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Established Relationship, Execution, M/M, Prince Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pyre burning, i think i'm projecting, lots of hugging, merthurweek2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 14:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30123885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam4587/pseuds/sam4587
Summary: The execution of a magic user in Camelot makes Merlin want to curl up in himself and cry. Lucky for him, Arthur won’t just stand by and watch that happen to him.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merthurweek2021 aka Attempts At Angst [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2213214
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99
Collections: Merthur Week 2021





	Let Me Hold You Close (please don't let me go)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Merthurweek2021 day 4 - “You promised!” “I guess we both broke our promises”
> 
> This is heavy on the comfort side of emotional hurt/comfort, because of… reasons. Enjoy!  
> No beta, all mistakes are mine. If they bug you, feel free to point them out!
> 
> Disclaimer: The story is mine, BBC Merlin is not. Please do not repost.

Arthur woke up with a shock. Next to him, Merlin moved a little, but didn’t wake. The prince took some time to study him; he looked so peaceful, surrounded by Arthur’s bedsheets and his head almost disappearing in the soft pillow. After a little while, Arthur sat up in bed, trying to determine what had woken him up. It was still dark outside and everything was quiet and peaceful. After a few more minutes of nothing, he decided to let it go and sank back down on the bed. He scooted over closer to Merlin and wrapped his arms around his warlock. With his face buried in Merlin’s neck, he fell back asleep.

-*-*-*-

The next time he woke up, sunlight was pouring into the room. He forced his eyes open against the light and saw Merlin standing next to the window, looking down at the court yard.

Right.

Arthur suddenly realized what had woken him that night. The execution. That was today. He sat up and glanced at Merlin. The man was still looking outside, his face scrunched up in thought. Arthur got out of the bed and walked over to Merlin. He wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his lips in the crook of his neck. Merlin startled at his touch.

“Oh! You’re awake. I, um- We should- You, um-” Arthur cut off Merlin’s stumbling by turning him around and wrapping him in a proper hug. He didn’t say anything as Merlin buried his face in his chest, trembling slightly. He felt Merlin’s hand cling on the back of his night shirt and squeezed a little tighter. When Merlin finally pulled back, Arthur wiped the tear off his cheek.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, _cariad_. Let’s have breakfast, shall we?” he said softly, holding Merlin’s face with both hands. Merlin nodded faintly and took a deep breath.

“First, you need to dress. You can’t have breakfast like that.”

Arthur decided not to argue while Merlin stepped back and gathered himself. The warlock walked over to the closet and pulled out Arthur’s clothes for the day. His touches didn’t linger as they usually did while dressing Arthur. He was clearly distracted, but Arthur didn’t say anything about it. He knew fully well there was nothing he could say that would make this easier.

Not for the first time those past few days, Arthur wished there was another option. But with Uther still on the throne, there was absolutely nothing he could do. He had been dreading this moment for several days.

It was the first burning in a while. It had been just long enough since the last one to ignite the little spark of hope in Arthur’s chest. The little spark that told him things would be different, things would change. That he wouldn’t have to wait for his own father to die until the laws could change.

This case proved that spark wrong. Uther hadn’t even hesitated when the woman was brought in. She’d been caught using magic in the Lower Town by some guards that happened to walk by. Uther had already sentenced her to death before the guards were even done speaking, but Arthur had managed to get a trial for the woman. Unfortunately, it hadn’t done any good; the king hadn’t changed his mind, even when the guards explained the woman had been tending to her child.

_Her child_. Arthur involuntarily shivered when he thought about it. The woman had used a spell to heal her _child_. Her girl had been playing in the streets, and she’d scraped her knee. All the woman had done was stop the bleeding and close the wound. That was all. But the guards had arrested her on the spot and Uther hadn’t seen reason; Arthur would never understand how one man could be so blind, so _close minded_. He loved his father dearly, but that didn’t mean he agreed with everything the man did.

Arthur was dragged out of his thoughts by Merlin snapping his fingers in front of his face. “Are you sure you’re okay yourself? You haven’t eaten anything yet.”

Arthur shook his head to clear his thoughts and started with his breakfast. After a few bites, he gave up and decided he couldn’t eat anything that morning. He got up and Merlin followed him down the corridors without a word. When they stepped out on the balcony, there was already a crowd gathered around a big pyre in the middle of the square.

Arthur went to stand next to his father, who was just asking for silence from the people. The king give him a tiny nod to acknowledge him, but nothing more. Arthur secretly wished he didn’t even do that; it would certainly make it easier for him to distance himself from this. Uther addressed the crowd, distracting Arthur from his thoughts again.

“People of Camelot! We are here today to witness justice. This woman is guilty of practicing sorcery, and will therefore be burned at the stake. Let her death set an example for those of you who need it the reminder. Sorcery and the practice of _any_ kind of magic is against the law, and those who do not follow that law, will be punished.” Uther lowered a hand and three men with torches approached the pyre. The woman tied in the middle screamed when the flames started licking at the wood beneath her feet.

As the flames reached her and the smell of burning flesh started filling the air, Arthur heard a second voice join the screams of the burning woman. It was a girl’s voice, and Arthur searched the crowd with dread filling his gut. And sure enough, there she was; a child, no older than eight, struggling against the hold of an elder woman trying to keep her from running towards the burning pyre. He had to use all of his restraint to keep himself from jumping off the balcony and putting out the flames himself. Behind him, he heard a small gasp.

Without turning around, he recognized it as coming from Merlin. He clenched his wrists as he shut his eyes. He couldn’t turn around, not if he didn’t want to attract Uther’s attention to himself. Or worse, to Merlin. Right at the moment he couldn’t take it any longer and went to turn around, he heard Merlin leave. His footsteps retreated quickly and Arthur glanced over at his father. The king had his eyes on the screaming woman, but Arthur could read in his body language that Uther was fully aware of all that was happening next to him on the balcony. The prince pressed his finger nails deeper in the palms of his hands and kept himself from running after the warlock.

Much, much later, Uther turned around and stepped away from the balcony. Arthur hurried to follow him and after the usual talk of cleansing the kingdom and having done justice, he stalked down the corridors towards his chambers. He threw the doors open loudly, but when he caught sight of the shivering form on his bed, he immediately calmed down. He crossed the room and sank down on the bed, next to Merlin.

“Come here. Come on, it’s alright. Don’t…” His voice died away, until he was muttering nonsense. Merlin clung to him, shivering and crying. It didn’t look like he was able to calm down on his own, so Arthur pulled away a little. He shifted on the bed until he was sitting with his back against the headboard, Merlin next to him. The warlock’s head was on Arthur’s chest and Arthur held him in place with his arms wrapped around him. He bent down so his mouth was close to Merlin’s ear.

“Breathe, _cariad_ ,” he whispered, focusing on keeping his own breathing steady and clear so Merlin could follow him. “In and out. In and out. Come on, follow my breathing. Listen to my heart. In and out. In and out. Come on.”

Merlin followed his breaths and calmed down slowly. His tears left a wet spot on Arthur’s tunic, making it cling to his chest, but Arthur ignored the feeling. After several minutes, Merlin sat up a little, but allowed Arthur to keep his arms around him. He placed his head on Arthur’s shoulder and sighed deeply, a few stray tears still running down his cheeks.

“Sorry,” he whispered softly. Arthur squeezed his shoulder and shook his head.

“You don’t have to apologize, Merlin. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m so sorry.”

Merlin sniffled and shrugged. “’s not your fault. You’re not your father. I know that. I just… It was like watching my dreams come to life. I hate it,” he murmured. Arthur didn’t know what to say to that, so he just pressed a kiss on top of Merlin’s hair, hoping that brought his message along. It must have, because Merlin sighed again and snuggled closer.

After a long time, Arthur deemed it safe to speak again. “Are you going to be alright? Father expects me to have lunch with him, and I think it’s nearly time.”

Merlin sighed into his neck and nodded. “Fine. I’ll be fine. You should go.” He didn’t make any move to let Arthur go, though, and Arthur chuckled lightly.

“You’re going to have to let go, Merlin. I can’t get up like this.” He felt Merlin move and the weight on his shoulder was lifted. He instantly missed the warmth. Merlin sat up and wiped his eyes. He leaned forward and kissed Arthur’s lips in a slightly desperate way. Before it could lead to anything, he got off the bed and took a deep breath. When he turned around to Arthur, he had his mask of joyful manservant back on.

“Well then. Better get on with it. The day goes on like nothing happened.” Arthur noticed his bitter tone, but ignored it. He opted for a glare at Merlin before he exited the room. His warlock was looking out the window again, gaze cast downwards. Arthur could hear men on the square cleaning up.

-*-*-*-

The rest of the day went on as if nothing had happened, just like Merlin had said. The lunch with the king was as uncomfortable as always, and the grain reports didn’t get any more interesting either. After dinner, which he had delivered to his room, Arthur slouched in a chair in front of the fireplace. Merlin sat in the other one, staring into the flames with a distant look on his face.

“Merlin,” Arthur prompted. It took several times of calling his name before Merlin startled and looked over at him. Arthur beckoned him over and with his brows furrowed, Merlin stood up. Arthur dragged him closer until he was sprawled on his lap. Immediately, Merlin shifted until their bodies lined up perfectly.

Arthur buried his nose in Merlin’s neckerchief and muttered, “You’re not alright, are you? Please talk to me.”

Merlin shook his head and hugged him tighter. “I don’t want to talk. I don’t know what to say.”

Arthur nodded and shut up. After a while, Merlin did speak up.

“You promised,” was all he whispered, barely audible for Arthur. The prince frowned and leaned back.

“What do you mean? What are you talking about?” he asked. His heartbeat sped up slightly. What was Merlin talking about?

Merlin leaned back so he could look Arthur in the eyes. “You promised things would be different. You promised I wouldn’t have to hide anymore. You promised we could be free. You promised!” His voice grew louder with every word, and by the end of it, Arthur flinched back from the volume.

“Then I guess we both broke our promises,” was the first thing he said. The moment the words left his mouth, he regretted them. Merlin’s face fell and he got up from Arthur’s lap before he could stop him.

“What does that mean? What did I do?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest. To Arthur, it looked like he was trying to physically distance himself from the prince. That unbearable thought had Arthur get up too, so they were standing face to face in front of the fireplace, a few feet apart.

“You promised me you wouldn’t lie to me anymore, all that time ago.” He didn’t have to say explicitly what time he meant; they both knew he was talking about those horrible weeks after Arthur discovered Merlin’s magic. It still pained Arthur when he thought about all the things they said. “You said you’d be honest with me. And yet, this morning you said you were fine, while you were very clearly not fine. How am I supposed to ever believe you if I don’t know if you’ll keep your promises?”

Merlin took a step back, as if Arthur had physically attacked him. His voice trembled when he answered. “That’s… I don’t… No. That’s not the same. You can’t-”

“I can’t what? Be worried about you? Take care of you? Love you?” Merlin’s shoulders slumped the second those last words left Arthur’s mouth. Arthur used the moment to close the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Merlin again. The man was trembling in his hold.

Arthur pulled back a little and placed his hands on Merlin’s cheeks, forcing him to look up. When he was sure Merlin was paying attention, he said firmly, “Don’t be sorry. I understand. I had no right to say those things either. It’s okay.” He stopped Merlin from answering him by pressing his lips firmly on the other’s. He felt him relax against his chest and finally, finally he felt the air was cleared between them. He gently led Merlin to the bed and they laid down together, wrapped in the sheets. Exhaustion soon started pulling him to sleep.

Just before he drifted off, Merlin’s voice cut through the sleepy haze.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you feel like you’re losing your mind too, locked inside for more than a year, come talk to me on [my Tumblr](https://sam4587.tumblr.com/), I’d love to hear from you!
> 
> _Cariad_ is Welsh for "love".


End file.
